DJWEB I LOVE YOUR FINGERS

DJWEB MUSIC

HOMEMUSICSGOSSIPSJOKES JOIN US ON FACEBOOK

WE LOVES MUSIC

PLANTAINS
Teacher: Kola, spell
plantain
Kola: whish one? the
lipe one or the unlipe
one?
He asks "Which one? The ripe one or the
unripe one?", some
people (like me) have
trouble with the 'r', and
with some people, it
sounds like an 'l' Teacher: what
difference does it make?
Just spell plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly
the lipe one na 'DODO',
if you fly the unlipe one na 'SHIPS'
if you loast am, na
'BORLI'
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan
make I spell?

DJ-WEB

LONDON ZOO
A Nigerian youngster
who was visiting the
United Kingdom for the
first time was taken to
the London zoo for
sightseeing. On getting to the section where
monkeys are kept, he
was amazed to see
other tourists giving
out plenty of money to
the monkeys that were hopping around doing
acrobatics. The more
the acrobatics, the more
the tourists enjoyed the
show and the more the
money (hard currency) the monkeys got.
This young man
suddenly had an idea
and when he got back
to Nigeria, he started
learning all kinds of acrobatics. He visited
his medicine man and
asked for a portion that
will transform him into
a monkey.
During his next visit to London, he went into
the zoo and took the
portion and was
transformed into a
monkey. He joined the
other monkeys and started his own type of
modern, systematic and
attractive acrobatics. He
soon caught the
attention of all the
tourists who wasted no time in showering him
with plenty of pounds
sterling. He was now
making more money
than the real monkeys.
The king of the monkeys didn't like this
and challenged the new
monkey to an acrobatic
duel. The contest was
tough and very keen
but the new monkey won. The king monkey
had to go on exile in
shame but before he
left he set a trap for the
intruding monkey who
now became the new king.
The next day, monkey
business started as
usual, with money
coming in from the
tourists. There was this particular tourist who
really enjoyed the show
that he threw a lot of
money into the cage.
The new king pocketed
his money but to his amazement all the
other monkeys threw
their earnings into the
adjacent cage. The new
king could not
comprehend this and would not allow all that
money to go away like
that; so he jumped into
the adjacent cage to
pick up the money. It
was only when he got there that he realized it
was a lion's cage.
The lion looked at him,
looked at the money
and roared and started
toward the monkey who was now
sweating, shaking and
foaming in the mouth.
Half way, the lion
suddenly stopped,
looked at the monkey again and said:
"Oh boy, if no bi say we
all na Naija, I for show
you."
Buhari

Hungry and Broke There were three men
living together in
London. An Afro-
American, a West Indian
and a Nigerian. They
were all starving because they didn't
have money to buy
food.
However upon coming
close to a posh London
restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they
decided to come up
with a plan.
The Afro-American
went in first. After
being seated, he ordered a three course
meal with white wine.
When he had finished
the meal, the waiter
came by with the bill.
"LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" -
the Afro-American
shouted! The waiter
was very confused
because he could not
remember being paid. But because he did not
want to cause any
trouble, he let the
brother leave.
Five minutes later, the
West Indian walked into the same
restaurant and ordered
a five course meal with
red wine. When he was
finished eating, the
waiter came by to collect the money for
the food. "HEY, HEY,
LOOK AT ME CROSSES.
BUT AH PAID YOU
ALREADY!" - the West
Indian shouted. This time the manager came
and had to calm down
the West Indian,
because he did not
want anything to upset
the other customers. He let the guy go.
Ten minutes later, the
Nigerian walked in. And
you know how we are.
He sat down. Lit up a
cigarette, and ordered the most expensive
meal on the menu, plus
two bottles of Beer.
After he had finished,
the waiter came to
collect the money for the meal, But before the
Nigerian could say
anything, the waiter
spoke to him."Sir, I have
been having all sorts of
problems all day and I can't understand it. Two
other people like you
came in earlier and ate,
and they say that they
paid me but I don't
remember getting any money from them so, "
Before he could finish,
the Nigerian
interrupted, rather
emphatically, "OGA I
SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR
PROBLEM. I JUST WANT
YOU TO GIVE ME MY
CHANGE!!"
Yemi101

NNA, IYON AND KANABAR An Akwa Ibom
passenger once boarded
a bus in Lagos. The bus
driver was an Ijaw man
and the conductor was
a Calabar man. The Akwa Ibom man
said to the bus
conductor, "Ah de ko ori
oro."
The conductor then told
the driver, "Idi-oro wa O."
On the way, the bus had
a flat tire. The Ijaw man
then told his conductor,
"Zackson, get the zack,
make you put the spare tire. Make you no allow
us sleep for road in
Nagos O."
The conductor cracked
up in laughter, "Oka
Yohn, you dey call yack Zack, You no know say
dem no go understand
you for Dagos."
One Igbo man then
disembarked the bus in
anger and exclaimed, "Ekolo Gbeja mi, Malu fo
soke.",
Funny-353

STUDENT
A student took an
exams and failed. He
was told to reseat the
exams the coming year
which he did. When he
returned home after the exams, his father asked
him "how was your
papers today?". Guess
what, the young man
replied and told his dad,
"dad, I must confess that the last year exam
was easier than today's
own". Immediately, the
father knew he has lost
another money.